FEAR: To be seen as wrong

I hate conflict
Actually, I imagine any situation where I’m in disagreement with another, to result in conflict, if I say anything.

I suppose, it’s disagreeing I really hate. It’s the discomfort of dissonance.

And I find it really hard to speak up.
To date I have only given myself two options of response.

1) Bark
2) Bolt

No, wait there’s one more…

3) Triangulate an ally (Boooo!)

There are days spent with worry, torment, helplessness and fear…
Like a hen on a griddle

Around and around the bush I beat
Eggshells truly trampled on

Classic tapes playing in my mind, featuring the artists
‘I’m wrong’ and ‘Bad me’

Where does my voice go?

The thought of displeasing others
Being criticised, disapproved of..
It’s too much, too big, too scary

I open my mouth, despite
The panic of my parts
Awkwardly I begin to speak
Before spewing a river of my truths

Then spend my days
Wanting to take it back
Lamenting the comfort
Of remaining unspoken

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